She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
