I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry about my life...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
