Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
