Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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