can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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