Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
