I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
