if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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