So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
