My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
