so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
