careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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