dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
