How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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