I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
