Already got asked if we're dating
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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