How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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