Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
