Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
