R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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