i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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