Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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