she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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