I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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