Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
