Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your penis caused this!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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