i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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