Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
