Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was born a porn star she said
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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