I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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