Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
