The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We need to get me chipped asap
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
