Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
