my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
