Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
