Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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