Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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