It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
