Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just found puke in my bra..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
