U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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