Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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