afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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