I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
