so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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