i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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