I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
