its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
