If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
