No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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