Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
