So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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