is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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