He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize