He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
