i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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