She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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