she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
