dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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