I love black thongs
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.