White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous