all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
