Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
