I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
