And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
