Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
