So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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