And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
