i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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