The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
