i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
