broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
