To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
