So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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