So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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