OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
