Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
