ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
