I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
