there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
