First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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