How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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