There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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